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August 7th, 2009
11:22 am - sexism fail
Something's been really bothering me for a while and I don't know how to go about fixing it. One of my friends makes comments that I find sexist at times when we're all hanging out, and it annoys the stuffing out of me. Every time we hang out, he makes a comment and I always end up biting my tongue lest I get really angry. It's always subtle things, too, like comments on how gay guys together are "gross", but yet this guy loves seeing lesbians, so it's hypocritical that he thinks "homos" (I hate the way he uses that word!) are weird, yet two girls together is so "exotic".
Then there's calling any girls on tv who wear makeup and trendy clothes "whores". Because obviously we can tell from how they dress what they do with their sex life! And the comments get even more subtle, like a casual "women don't like when you insult their weight" or "girls love gossip". What's really aggravating about those comments is it puts everyone in a box and basically says "Look at those stupid women, it's so easy to get them mad, call them fat! Girls love cute things, aren't they silly and not able to appreciate deep things like men? All I have to do is insult their weight and they all react the same!".
This happens every time and I'm pretty much the only girl he hangs around with, so I always feel like I'm put on the spot. If I don't say anything, I feel like I'm being weak and validating his comments. If I say something, I look like a crazy feminist (and of course my opinion is less valid because of my gender). This makes me uncomfortable because the subtle gay-bashing and "women are all the same" comments really bother me, and stuff like that are said EVERY TIME. He doesn't hang around a lot of girls, and maybe he's used to saying this type of stuff while hanging out with his guy friends, so it's like he doesn't even think when he says this stuff. I've hung out with a groups with mostly guys before, and most rarely ever made homophobic and sexist comments like that (and those who did in the past, I was sadly too ignorant to realize what exactly was wrong with what they were saying). I don't know how to handle this, some of the stuff he's said was said days ago, and I don't want to cause a fight while everyone is hanging out.
If anyone is reading this, how would you handle this? I've had relatively polite discussions with him over this stuff before, and it seems like nothing changes.
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July 17th, 2009
06:22 pm
So the other day I saw the Half-Blood Prince movie and bought Blackect Night (and got a free black ring, which I was ridiculously pleased about). I also got Tales fo the Corps and on the whole I enjoyed it-I love Saint Walker and his backstory was really great. I hope they don't kill him off. I was looking forward to learning about the Indigo Tribe and we still don't know much about their motives or whatever. Their powers looked pretty badass, though.
I liked the Blackest Night issue, but the page talking about all the Lantern's dead girlfriends irked me a little.
The HBP movie was good, a lot of the stuff that annoyed me in the book wasn't in it. I found the H/G bearable and I'm really happy Ginny's grrl power speech to Ron about how he hasn't snogged anyone was cut out. I thought Draco and Snape looked great, and I did like the Astronomy Tower scene. The duel between Harry and Snape seemed to lack something though, the whole HBP reveal just seemed really flat and Harry's animosity for Snape didn't seem as strong as it was in the book. Then again, Harry's feelings of hatred for Snape didn't really have an impact in DH, either.
I laughed at the scene of Harry in the subway, almost getting a date. How could you forget your twu love Ginny, Harry?
For some reason, the movie just felt really different to me. I didn't think it was terrible, I did like it, but something felt out of place. Maybe it's because it's been a while since a Potter movie was out or maybe I need to see it again because now all I can say is it definitely wasn't what I was expecting.
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July 14th, 2009
07:49 pm
So the HBP movie is tomorrow (or tonight if you're going to a midnight showing) and apparently it's supposed to be really good. Me, I'm just really excited for Draco and Snape. Plus, I think the girl they cast as Lavender looks absolutely adorable. I love some of her outfits, I would wear some of them myself. I really hope they don't try to paint her as a total bitch-and I know I'm not going to like the canary scene!
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July 1st, 2009
08:09 pm
I'm going to try to not be lazy and actually write out the fics I want to write. I sometimes wish certain thoughts and ideas could just be transcribed on my lj via mental link instead of requiring me to sit down and actually type it. Not only out of laziness, but for some reason when sitting down and writing things I know others will be reading, I kind of loose my nerve.
To be honest, the only canon I'm afraid of writing is Watchmen. Other series? Sure, no sweat. Plenty of ideas. But Watchmen characters? Crazy intimidating, for some reason. I love all the flaws and ambiguities of the characters, but their sandbox is so multi-layered I don't know where to begin. I love the stories that try to give characters a happy ending, because so few seem to have gotten it. It's weird, for me I love to read fics that get a little "dark" when they take place in a canon that's usually light and innocent. Watchmen's got plenty of dysfunction in their characters, it just makes you appreciate the good parts of them more. So I can totally see why people would like to read fic about Rorschach eating pancakes with Dan, or Hooded Justice and Cap. Metropolis faking theirs deaths and running off together (best theory ever). I just doubt my writing skills would be good enough to pull it off!
The Half-Blood Prince movie draws closer and I'll probably see it, though I'm not really thrilled. I'm much more excited for the Blackest Night event, to be honest. HBP was my least favorite book in the series, even below DH, because at least by the time DH came out my expectations were already so low it could only surpass it (which isn't saying much). I'm none too thrilled at the prospect of watching all the romantic hijinks (She sicked birds on him! HI-larious!).
I also really hope it's not gonna resurrect the whole "I'm so unique in that I actually like everything about the canon! Haters are just jealous" spiel. I know a lot of people complained about the last couple of books (me among them), but offline I actually know more people who get annoyed at criticism of the books than those who want to critique it. Try mentioning any sketchy morality and I get stared at like I have three heads. Are there some things I still like about the canon? Sure. But I also have a lot of fun talking about any flaws. I really wonder why in HP fandom that seems to be a much bigger deal. From what I've noticed in some other fandoms, criticizing or making fun of some things in canon is part of the experience. Code Geass fandom is full of jokes about the artwork and plot wholes and they're absolutely right. So I just wonder why it was such a big deal for a while, especially post-HBP, for a person in HP fandom to criticize something. I know a lot of people probably hold the books close, hell, I did too, I grew up when Harry was and I loved some things, but was also bothered by others. SO the whole things is just a bit perplexing.
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May 4th, 2009
10:51 pm - So...
It's weird posting again. I wonder what to say to people, both online and irl, after I haven't spoken to them in a while. I always end up feeling awkward, because I think people would think it weird if I just came back in like nothing happened, but I feel attention-whorish being like O HAY I'M BACK. I try to bullshit like I know social norms but it's pretty obvious sometimes I have no clue what to do.
I have missed lj though. Maybe I'll stop being so damn lazy and write the fic I want to write and get out there (lol am so bad at that).
I don't know why I wrote this except I think I'm missing a lot of people now.
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April 30th, 2009
12:59 pm - Writer's Block: Swine Times
I don't usually answer these things, but all the news reports on swine flu is making me nervous as hell. This really is the worst time to be a hypochondriac. :(
Doesn't help that I've been coughing a lot for the past week, and I live relatively close NYC where it's shown up. Plus they say that those with healthy immune systems are most likely to get screwed. Hooray!
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April 24th, 2008
04:46 pm
I don't really know what to think now. My grandmother's health has been deteriorating (she's lived with us for my whole life) and her memory is getting worse and worse. My brother and I had to call 911 once because she had a complete breakdown, like nothing we had ever seen from her. It's heartbreaking seeing her like this.
I feel like online is the only place to turn to sometimes. I have been feeling more isolated from everyone. This is the third school I've transferred too, while most people I know have their trusted friends and groups, I've had to leave mine behind. From graduating high school to transferring, it was just a lot of moving around and change. I always said in high school how I wanted to be away from the structure that I felt was keeping me sheltered. I guess you really do need to be careful for what you wish.
( Read more... )
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/blue/blank.gif) blank
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February 26th, 2008
04:57 pm - Still around...
If by some slim chance anyone reads this, nope, I haven't left lj. I've just been really preoccupied with a lot of crap. I mostly lurk now, but hopefully will be active again.
The good things are that I left Geneseo (HATED that place) and am going to school back home and now have a really wonderful, caring boyfriend as opposed to my shitty ex. Still struggling with anxiety and shit, though in perspective I guess it doesn't really matter.
It feels weird posting public entries again. It's always hard getting back into the swing of things after being away for a while. The same thing is happening with people from high school, which makes me feel a little sad.I sometimes wonder who remembers me or if I was ever really an important friend. I guess I still worry about this stuff sometimes. It's just weird not talking to some people for a while,because then I wonder if maybe they didn't really care about my abscence and trying to keep in touch is annoying to them. I guess that's just stuff I can't worry about now.
So if anyone is reading, how have you been?
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/blue/worried.gif) anxious
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July 18th, 2007
11:49 am - I have no idea why I'm actually let down over DH
As much as I truly loathe what I hear is in book seven (I haven't read the scans, only the spoiler comments and summaries), I'm shocked that I'm actually disapointed. I haven't been as into HP fandom as much lately, mainly because of RL crap which is much more distracting, so I wasn't feeling one way or the other about DH. So I have no idea why I'm actually sad , almost, and severely disapointed. I knew it was going to suck, I knew there'd be revolting H/G, I knew the ending would be cheesy. So I don't get why I'm so let down all of a sudden.
( Read more... )
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July 16th, 2007
10:40 pm - DH Spoilers
( Read more... )
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/blue/cheerful.gif) amused
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June 21st, 2007
12:54 am - Wow, haven't updated in a while.
So yeah, I'm still here. Hopefully I'll have more time to get back into fandom and stuff. There's been a lot to deal with, I don't feel like myself at all.
So first year of college done. Looking at the entries from last year is interesting. This year was crazy, but I think I learned a lot more about how I deal with relationships, my friends, and just life. The downside is that I had a miserable semester at Geneseo, and have no idea where I should be in the future. I might have to be there another semester, but I'm looking to leave it. I have no clue what I'm going to do.
Other news? Aside from a lot of fun video games (I'm such a geek), I finally have a job this summer. I'll be in Macy's, where the retail fun can begin. Hooray.
So how's everyone? Any new fandom news (besides the strikethrough)? Any good spoilers (I hope)?
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/blue/lazy.gif) apathetic
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April 6th, 2007
07:52 pm - Pointless update and the Friday five.
It's been a month since I last made a public entry, so I figured I'd update again. Thanks for the support in the last entry, I appreciate it. I know it will take time, I'm working on it, as much as trying to stay positive and level-headed about it is tough. I've started seeing the counselor and at least this awful semester will be over soon.
I haven't really had much time for lj, so I'm out of the loop, fandom wise. I miss all the lovely snarky commentary. I've seen the DH book covers, not too excited honestly (I know, bad fan, bad!). I'm pretty sure something will dissapoint me in book seven, be it one-sided Snape/Lily (I'd rather he be evil, all things considered) or Harry marrying Ginny and having twelve spunky kids with red hair and green eyes. I'm too lazy to even bother analyzing the covers, except to say that the US version looks pretty cool. I honestly can't wait for the spoilers, though. All the more time to bitch about them. ;)
( Read more... )
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/blue/grumpy.gif) cynical
Current Music: Joanna Newsom-Cosmia
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March 4th, 2007
11:46 pm - What was that they said about rock-bottom...
I guess having to deal with a breakup and a death in the family wasn't enough. Neither was starting off the semester in the lounge, which was a complete nightmare. I'm glad to be out of there, at least, and in a suite. That at least improved.
Now there's a real possibility that my parents may split. And I've been afraid to speak about it for the stupid notion that that would make it inevitable. But I am so scared of it happening and how I will handle it.
I miss my what became my community back at my old school like nothing else right now. I haven't really found it here and worry that I never will. The semester is going to end soon and I don't know how it can get better. I'm afraid to hope that it will, just in case of disapointment. I wish I could become happy here at Geneseo. I still don't feel like I fit, like I've found the niche that I did in my old uni. It feels more like everyone else's lives are moving on, they have things to do so of course I can't expect them to help. And the friends I can trust more than anything are hours away. I've joined clubs, but I still don't feel like I have that actual connection. It's more like I'm just that nice girl they see every meeting. I feel like I might be wasting part of what's supposed to be a great experience for me.
I guess I just don't see a way out this semester. I know I would be able to deal with the horrible shit if I only had a good support system. Last semester, joining the geek club gave me that, but this semester, it's much harder. It's so much easier to get lost among all the people here in this spread-out campus. I just don't know how I'm going to do it.
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January 26th, 2007
08:56 am
Basically, everything went to hell really fast. Sometimes I really don't know what the point is of having something good for a little while, even if you know it won't last. Maybe it's that rock bottom thing. All I know is, I can't wait for the summer already. Winter just isn't the season for me.
I set some goals and should follow them. Right now the most difficult thing for me is to hope that it will get better, because I hate the disapointment. I always end up feeling like a weak idiot. I will, though, I have no choice, you have to move forward. I'm just glad I have really good friends who understand and won't let me forget, even if we're not in the same location.
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January 12th, 2007
11:58 pm
I've been so behind on commenting and everything. I haven't written a dtcl recap in a while and I miss doing that.
I am not at all enjoying this lounge thing. It's good that I have a lot of people to walk with, but at the same time, if I don't want to do something the rest of the group does, I'll be seen as the anti-social one. They don't want to move out of the lounge, they say it's like one big sleepover. Yeah, a sleepover where I don't enjoy any of the games and I'm the odd girl who's just there and really wants to go back home. I don't watch the shows they do, my desk is in the corner, meaning I'm cut off from the room (serves me right for being the last one to move in-seven hour drive), they got into a conversation about drinking games which I don't know, and I don't feel like I have anything to contribute. It's only the second day, but I hope it won't be this hard months later. I made it through my old uni, ended up loving it. It's just hard to imagine finding my niche here, thinking this place is home, finding a group who wants me around and isn't keeping me around just to be nice. It will happen, it has to, I have to like it here, I have no choice really. I know it will be home-just now that seems damn near impossible. I look back on the entry I wrote beginning of last semester and I know that feeling comes and goes with everything new because I am awful at change. I can't even remember feeling weird at the old uni, it's pretty hazy, so I'm hoping it will happen here as well.
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January 3rd, 2007
08:33 pm - Deja vu
I remember months ago in August freaking out about going off to uni for the first time. Now, it's time for the transfer student worries. Hooray. I received a call from the residence life office a few days ago and because there's so many people coming to Geneseo and they're not sure who is leaving and whatnot, I have to share the "lounge" (not even a real room) with five other girls. Now, I'm not anti-social, but I know I will miss privacy. I seriously hope I won't be the odd girl out here, the one who has nothing in common with the other roomates. That feeling's pretty awful, I remember feeling as if I had nothing in common with any of the girls in my orientation group at my old uni. The lounge news didn't put me at ease at all.
Next Thursday, I move in. I've been acting all composed and okay with it in real life, but on here, I can safely say that I'm pretty terriffied about next semester, for so many reasons. I know nobody makes best friends right away, but starting over again just when you've gotten comfortable just feels lousy. Also, I'm hoping I can do some things better in Geneseo that I didn't do when I was in the old uni. I don't want to mess up a new start. Ugh, I was feeling so positive about this before, but now I can't stop worrying about it.
Current Mood: scared
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December 31st, 2006
11:36 pm - Happy New Year!
So in an attempt to be festive and cheery, I'm going to wish everyone a happy new year! This year was pretty good, there were tough times, lost friendships, new people, all good. I can't believe this was the year we graduated high school and then entered uni. It feels like different lifetimes, in a way. I'm hoping I'll have a great time this year, and do a great job in the new college, though I know the first months will be tough as hell. At least I'm forewarned. There will be shitty times, more angsty lj entries, but hopefully things I can handle. I never remember resolutions and its hard to change overnight, but I've already made a list of stuff to be more positive on, for when I'm down, because I'm at my best and think more clearly this way.
Happy 2007, everyone!
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December 28th, 2006
07:54 pm - It's such a dramatic time
So far, things are going pretty well. There's going to be plenty of transferring panicking, but I'll save that for later. I'm enjoying the break, being back home and getting to see everyone, whom I probably won't see until May. It's good to find the friends you still feel connected with-after the time spent apart; it's just awesome to be able to still click again with some. It's helped keep my mind off of worrying about the new semester at Geneseo and how I'll do.
Last night I was reminded again about how I felt like I had outgrown parts of high school. I went to a friend's party and had a good time, but some parts of it just seemed so typical, so the same old stuff and not in the "feels like home" way, either.
What was interesting was that way back in the fall, I remember writing in here about the former friend who blocked me and spoke badly about me and feeling awful because I had lost another friend. Obviously, I'm better off without people like him around-so of course, who had to walk into that party back from North Carolina but him? I stared at him, wondering how he would react-would he ignore me, give me a dirty look, what? He instead called out my name like we were old bosom buddies and expected a hug-but instead I asked him to first explain why he had to say what he said about me and block me over a silly disagreement. What followed was some of the worse acting I've ever seen. Apparently, he has selective memory, said he had not been online, that he had never blocked me, despite the fact that the friend he had talked to about me was sitting right there. I didn't even bother trying to finish catching him in his lie-he was already uncomfortable, and I found out how he would react to this situation. If he had really forgotten and it was something said in a horrible moment, or if he admitted that he hated my guts, I would have had a lot more respect to him. It's so easy to know when people are lying to your face-and as argumentative as I can sometimes be, there was no need to hash it out. It's over, end of saga, closure is reached, the end.
It really is true that those who you do need don't walk away for good and those who do, you won't need in the long run, no matter how much it hurts in the present. There are always new people who come in to help fill that up-though now, in this period, sometimes it feels as if it's not completely balanced, like you loose more than you gain. But still, there's more to come. I really hope I can at least remember this intellectually during the low points next year. That's the good thing about keepings things written down in here. It's good to read back and remember how I was feeling after a certain thing happened and sometimes be amazed I ever thought that way and think if I got through that insignificant worry, I can deal with the other silly problems (though they don't feel so silly at the time). It’s just more proof about how much changes in such a short time and how much is still left to be changed.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/blue/mellow.gif) content
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December 25th, 2006
09:16 pm - Hope everyone had a happy holiday
So Christmas is pretty much over now. I hope everyone had a great day, whatever you did. And if I can be a sap here, I really am glad I got to interact with the people on my flist. I haven't commented much lately, but I'm glad to have so many intelligent and fun entries on my flist. And thanks, also, for any support given when I was being down-I appreciated it a lot. You guys rock, muchly.
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December 21st, 2006
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